First Pass 06.19.25

VIEW RECORDING - 53 mins (No highlights)

Meeting Purpose

Review and provide feedback on writing excerpts from cohort members to demonstrate the first pass review process.

Key Takeaways

• First impressions and opening lines are critical; publishers may decide quickly whether to continue reading

• Structure, pacing, and clarity of narrative are important considerations when reviewing writing

• Word choice and tone can significantly impact how readers interpret and connect with the text

• Providing specific, actionable feedback helps writers improve their work

Topics

First Pass Review Process

• Esmé reads excerpts aloud, providing real-time feedback and thoughts

• Focuses on first impressions, structure, clarity, and potential areas for improvement

• Emphasizes importance of engaging readers quickly and maintaining narrative flow

Excerpt 1: "Questioning" by Jay

• Abstract opening paragraphs create an interesting but potentially confusing start

• Narrative structure shifts from abstract to concrete, which may disorient readers

• Suggested clarifying character motivations and reader interpretation of events

Excerpt 2: "Pomegranate Girl" by Nisha

• Strong opening line creates immediate intrigue

• Contrast between emotional content and matter-of-fact tone is effective

• Chronology of events could be clarified to improve reader understanding

Excerpt 3: "My Right Hand" by Claire

• Interesting parallel drawn between film and personal experience

• Suggestion to clarify reasoning behind occupational therapy priorities

• Praised vivid descriptions of relearning everyday tasks

Next Steps

• Participants encouraged to start discussion threads in Circle group about the session

• Writers to consider applying feedback to their own work

• Cohort members invited to organize peer review exchanges

• Participants asked to complete Academy Insiders survey if not done already